A Happy Medium

As you may well know (since I whined about it enough to those near and far) I spent the last two weeks in "army school" learning important Human Resources things that will make me smart and more in charge and stuff (in theory). Also, the course is a prerequisite for promotion to the next rank.

The trip itself to the grand Army Human Resources Mecca of Fort Jackson, SC went fairly well--no real travel issues, and I paid for my own rental car (happy birthday to me) so that I could do all sorts of fun things like go to Chipotle instead of dying from mess hall food (one classmate found a metal nail in his rice--no joke) and visit old friends in my minimal amount of spare time.

During week one, I had a lovely dinner with my West Point roommate from my freshman year who just got to Ft. Jackson. We hadn't seen each other since before graduation and it was so nice to catch up--we spent so long chatting we pretty much closed the restaurant!

I'm still bummed that I didn't make it to lovely Savannah as planned to see another good friend (but I'm determined to make it happen next time, C!).

I also got to hang out with my new First Sergeant from my unit all the way back in Colorado, since ironically she happened to be at Fort Jackson too (our Reserve unit's 2-star General was changing command). I left Colorado the same morning my new First Sergeant took charge, and we hadn't gotten to see each other the whole previous month to make plans or finalize anything, so after we ran into each other at the hotel we decided to meet for an impromptu dinner and get on our game. It was such valuable planning time and we had a good laugh about having to fly across the country just to get business done.

It was also nice in a lot of ways--especially the first week--to spend grown-up time with grown-up people as well as lots of quiet time by myself, and worry only about myself when getting ready or going somewhere. But I was a little surprised to find that by the first Sunday, I was pretty darn lonely. And bored. I filled my time after church and lunch with a classmate by channel surfing, then I went to the spa and got a pedi which should have been amazing, but for all the "me time" and self care I've craved in the past year, by Sunday I was apparently on Me Time/Self Care overload. I tried to enjoy it but found myself counting down the hours until I could call my husband and see my little people's sweet faces. Being apart for birthdays (mine and Erik's) also didn't help my homesickness, and made me realize as much as I need (and should take!!) a break sometimes, I am made for motherhood and my heart is not truly satisfied unless I am doing the job I was made for.

---

As far as the course itself, it was the first training I've completed since joining the Reserves, which was interesting in a way because it opened my eyes to a few different things. I arrived with a much different perspective than when I was doing Army stuff all day every day on active duty; in the Reserves now, my work consists of only one weekend a month in uniform, and I have to carve time out of my schedule as a SAHM to get the rest of the daily work done. (I'm also slowly learning the meaning of WHAM...which sounds nice in theory but oy, let me tell you.)

Arriving at Ft. Jackson, I was thrown right back into the active duty world I spent so much time in my former life wanting to escape--a world where Uncle Sam never sleeps and the customs and courtesies never cease; a place full of basic trainees being milled into soldiers and a thousand meal calls played on loudspeakers throughout the day between reveille and retreat, a place where an "early" morning starts at 4am instead of 6am and there are ten extra army rules in place for every civilian rule. (There was also the joy of another mandatory fitness test--my fifth in less than a year--that I had the pleasure of taking on my birthday and with a hurt shoulder to boot. Ugh.)

In class, the "active duty message" (which assumes that the Army is your first and only life) was loud and clear: we were learned active duty systems and spoke in active duty language, and we were continually reminded that we should do everything possible to seek out deployments and additional active assignments to further our careers.

Being that I care maybe a little too much about doing a good job and being respected, I found myself getting sucked back into the hype of that mentality the first few days. Finally I caught myself and had to do a little U-turn in my brain (squealing tires and all) to remind myself that no, I don't need to go seeking this or that assignment, because in my happy real world life, I live in a place I never want to leave, I am beyond lucky to have the family I do, and I have a job that allows me to intentionally put that family and their needs first, not last.

It was also a little disappointing to see the disconnect between what I'd hoped to learn in my course now that I'm in the Reserves and what we were actually taught. Human Resources systems (and many Human Resources requirements in general) are completely different in the Reserves than on active duty systems--and we also had National Guard classmates in our group, adding yet a third way of doing things. I was really looking forward to learning Reserve stuff I've needed to know for a long time now, only to realize that none of it would be addressed and most of the things I would learn wouldn't be applicable to my role in the Reserves. Talk about frustrating, and it made a lot of the course feel like a huge waste. The good news (at least for future generations) is that they've heard the feedback and are working on a course redesign to address some of the issues, although it won't be fielded for a few years--so for now, I continue to be an active duty expert bobbing around the Army Reserve world. I will say that I really appreciated meeting and networking with other people like me. I already have a good working relationship with another girl; I was able to send her something she was looking for, and she's helped me get on the right track in a few areas where I needed help.

Being back in Active Duty Land also made me realize that I actually enjoy a lot of what I do in the Reserves. That's still a bit hard to admit--I was so burnt out and bitter toward the Army in active duty (for good reason in many cases) that it's still a bit surprising to find that I actually do enjoy some aspects of the work (at least when I'm not too overstretched, which does still happen).

Overall, the whole experience helped me gain a much better appreciation for my hybrid of civilian-military life. I've realized that what I do now gives me the freedom to do the things I both need and like, and do them in the right order of priority. It's a happy medium, and after this course I'm glad to have the confirmation that--at least for now--I am without a doubt right where I need to be.

The midly supressed satisfaction of my last day
in these digs for a whole month.
Goodbye, active duty...hello, fall wardrobe!