Part I
Jumpin' Jehosephat, man. THIS LENT.
[Insert string of bug-eye emojis].
[Also prefacing this with the fact that my Lent has been total cake compared to many of my friends. Something big and beautiful must be on the horizon, because peeps getting flattened, yo. Pray for them with me!].
It's been a wild ride the past few weeks, and I feel like I'm crawling toward Easter and the promise of some Resurrection joy with all the strength I can muster. Some of the high(low?)lights:
1. For about 48 horrific hours last week we thought we would have to say goodbye to our Samson pup. Despite the "he's just a dog" reality talk with which I've tried to brace myself, it was absolutely terrible. He has pretty bad arthritis already in his hips/hind legs, and at some point (probably running across the yard to bark at a passerby) he injured himself so badly he couldn't put any weight on his back legs. This does not bode well for a 150 lb. giant who we simply cannot pick up, even as a team. Thankfully it was a Sunday so Peter was home, and we sat with him in the backyard in shifts, bringing him water and food. Peter just may have spiked his water dish with Lourdes water too in faith and desperation. Eventually we were able to help him hobble a few feet so we could get him inside for the night, but after that he was done. He hadn't been to the bathroom in hours, so Peter ran out for puppy pads to place under him, but faithful obedient Samson held it with all his might, even though we tried to tell him it was okay and he wouldn't be in trouble.
I kept checking on him and prayed my heart out for hours that night since I couldn't sleep (I was also having one of my flareups which was not helpful). When Peter got up in the morning, Old Man Samson had somehow moved from one room to another and we felt a surge of hope. We got him to the vet--it took five of us to lift him on and off a stretcher (that didn't lower!) and he got x-rays which didn't reveal much...save some possible tearing of his doggie "ACL" which may or may not have been the cause of his issues. We had the gut-wrenching
talk with the vet about having to euthanize in the next few days if he didn't heal quickly or fully enough to walk or get out and do his business. It was so awful, especially since he is still completely healthy otherwise; old, yes, but surprisingly healthy.
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| Pampering and keeping vigil with our pup. |
We left the vet armed with some painkillers but not much else; after all the poking and prodding, he was back to not being able to stand. It was a long few days trying not to ugly cry...at home, at the vet, trying to explain a probable goodbye to the kids as they loved on him and prayed rosaries and lit candles for him. We repeated the Lourdes water "treatment" too, even as we prepared for the worst. And miracle of miracles, the next morning, our pup was up and standing again, walking slowly, and able to go outside on his own. He has quickly improved from there and--incredibly--is basically back to his old self.
We're better prepared for the inevitable now; we know another such incident could do Samson in, so we're trying to make sure he remembers he's not a puppy anymore. But aside from sleeping a little more and getting his daily geriatric doggie anti-inflammatory and glucosamine, he is still fit as a fiddle. We got some non-slip socks that help him on our wood floors, Peter built a ramp over the deck steps to the yard, and for now we're just gratefully cherishing the wonderful time we still have with our fluffy old man.
2. At the same time time this was happening, the poor boys spiked fevers and were souped up on fever reducer as we ran around trying to help our Samsonator.
3. Oh and also at the same time, there was lots of restructuring and uncertainty at Peter's work. The stress was pretty much through the roof for awhile.
Oh the relief when that whole week was over.
4. For those not yet weary of my health saga updates: I'm excitedly counting down the days until my next procedure in the long line of endometriosis treatment attempts [endoscopy/colonoscopy. My NaPro also gave me some low-dose naltrexone to try after the procedure]. So much lost sleep and so many reactions and flare-ups in the past month I've lost count. I'm looking more like skin and bones and feeling like a zombie/hormonal ball of yuck. Every day is an unpredictable...adventure. Yeah, let's say adventure. That's such a pleasant-sounding word. But I finally kicked my progesterone treatment to the curb because it wasn't doing squat except making me even more exhausted, and I feel slightly less brain-fogged and like there's maybe even a slight improvement in my good days overall. At any rate, I'm somewhat naively praying the upcoming scope reveals something [but not necessarily anything--please God, nothing scary, and something that is easily treatable and will go away stat]. I'm hesitant to get my hopes up too high after years of being burned, but I also know that hope keeps me going right now so I have to hang my hat on something. So hope for the last week of April it is.
5. But wait, there's more. This Lent has been chock full of a slew of other happenings I won't really go into--the kind that all sound annoying but manageable on their own (like appliances breaking in triplicate), but when combined with all of the above basically amounted to a bunch of "sobbb make it stoppppp" moments on the hour. At least I had lots to offer for all of my loved ones!
Part II
LIFE IS STILL GOOD
But now for the good, because there are always little moments of consolation to be had in the trenches, and so many beautiful moments as we emerge from some tough patch or another:
1. My Lenten social media fast has been both eye-opening and enriching. Someday I'll have the time and energy to articulate it better, but in the mean time, this Digital Detox piece I wrote for the Blessed is She blog contains much of what I learned about myself in terms of social media, and ways I found to help curb compulsive digital use in order to use my devices to add more value to my life versus taking away. In short, though my time away hasn't been a magical panacea for all of my dowfalls, it's helped me create better habits and be more intentionally present to the people who matter most. I have confidence that I'll be able to return to social media with more self-discipline, more purposeful usage, and healthier interaction when the time comes.
2. I'm stoked about my book list so far this year. Books, as always, are my favorite consolation. It's been a good mix of new titles and oldies but goodies. My latest reviews are here. I've gotten through a bunch more since then which I'm also psyched to share soon...you know, in the next month or three.
3. Random delights:
- The new double exposure feature on one of my favorite editing apps is pretty cool (maybe slightly creepy too). I'm having fun playing with it:
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| Peach buds and sunsets |
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| More spring buds and cocktails |
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| Pano mountain views and sunset clouds in pink. |
- These cookies from my local grocery store are my new jam. They're also mucho dinero. But when almost all food is your enemy, any baked goods that you can eat, and that taste decent, and that almost resemble a girl scout cookie are truly a glorious gold mine. These cookies--free of all major allergens--are still a staple in my cabinet, too.
- Speaking of groceries and stores, I am a new woman since my regular store began online ordering and pickup (even same day - ready four hours after you order it!). You're literally not supposed to get out of your car for liability reasons, so you just sit and relax while they open your trunk and load your groceries. The woman who runs it (we're now on a first name basis) also told me the first time that they're actually not allowed to take tips, and that she would see me next week. I didn't even have a kid in the car to make me look less lazy! Thus any and all guilt I was harboring vanished. So essentially I've become a regular never-enter-the-store-unless-I'm-forced-to shopper. It's a beautiful thing.
4. Building the village. The soul work continues through the ups and downs. Some of the best graces from my social media fast were my renewed effort to better foster in-person relationships instead of defaulting to connecting over a screen. I'm especially thankful lately for the moms/Blessed is She women's group I lead, as well as a couples small group--the men and women each meet once a month, and I've gotten to know some really incredible women. I'm so grateful for online connections, but nothing can replace the in-person village that we all need, and it's been largely missing in my married life up to now. Some of it has come about by chance, but I'm also learning how important it is to put in the hard (and sometimes way out of my comfort zone) work. Namely, taking advantage of events and opportunities that are all around me to find/create the community I long for, instead of making excuses or expecting it to just land in my lap. The effort is absolutely worth it--I'm being fed in such awesome ways by this building up of my local community and support network and I'm really looking forward to seeing where it's headed.
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| Weekly(ish) tea date with my lovely friend and soon-to-be-almost neighbor! |
5. This quote from Aristotle has been in my brain this week ever since my Spiritual Director mentioned it:
"Virtue is the mean between two extremes." Or, "virtue is a mean between two vices, one of excess and one of deficiency."
Technically it's a much deeper and more extensive philosophy called the Golden Mean, but the above sums up the concept perfectly. I'm sure all the truth bombs and light bulb moments that are already hitting me will result in plenty of future blog post fodder.
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Alright, I think that's enough peaks and valleys for now, yes? I hope your Lent was (is) manageable and growth-inducing in some form or another, and that Easter meets you with joy and beauty anew!
