A new mom recently asked me about our family Christmas traditions because she admires the things we do with our kids, and wants to keep her family focused on the the Christ part of Christmas.
I thanked her first and foremost for not being a fly on the wall and seeing how things
actually go down in the Hjelmstad House.
[ahem]
And then I ran through a list of what we are attempting to do to help the kids (and more importantly us grown-ups who serve as the example) stay focused on the most important part of the season. Honestly, I have a bit of a bone to pick this year with the consumerist Christmas hype that pervades our culture, because I'm seeing it played out in one of our children recently in a rather disturbing way. She-who-shall-not-be-named just does not seem to understand our instistance that it's about giving to others, not getting for yourself; instead, every exchange we have regarding the season seems motivated by selfish desires. But I know I haven't been the greatest example recently, and we could all use some help escaping from the trap of materialism that threatens to ensnare us...and figure out a way for our weary minds and hearts to focus more freely on things eternal.
So in case you're in the same boat, I thought I'd share our "tactics" and traditions this year that we're using to get in a better mindset. The desire is there, but similar to our
Fewer-than-30-Days of Thanks, the execution is spotty--because
life happens--but we're doing our best to incorporate these things into the season as much as possible!
1. Good Deeds Manger
I've tried to keep the main focus on our newest tradition this year: a "do-good" manger. All it requires is an empty "manger" and some straw (any little bin or box or crate could work--I found ours at Michael's). It's a simple concept that I've seen before, and I thought the kids would be old enough to try this year; for every good deed, kind word, or job well done following directions, they are allowed to put a piece of straw into the manger to build up Baby Jesus's bed and make it as soft as possible before his arrival. But for every uncharitable action they do that would make Baby Jesus sad, they must take one straw out. They have responded to it well, and truly seem happy when they get to add a piece and bummed when they have to remove one.
I am also participating, and let me tell you, it is no fun to take that straw out. But it's also taken some deep digging to concede that I've actually done something worthy enough of adding a straw. Thankfully, the kids seem to be catching on quickly, and the system of immediately rewarding positive behavior is challenging me to recognize and affirm all the good that they do each day, which has been a huge blessing for all of us. So far so good--hopefully we'll all do enough to make Baby Jesus's bed extra fluffy and comfortable next week!
2. Shopping for others/"Africa presents"
We are trying to move toward more of a 'give-it-away' Christmas and drive home the gratitude piece, as the kids tend to complain about the gifts they receive not measuring up to their wishes (again with She-who-shall-not-be-named). So Peter had the kids make lists of what they wanted to give to each family member, took them shopping to buy them, and then patiently helped them wrap each one. (More power to him--I personally have a gift-bag-only rule because my kindergartner can wrap gifts better than me).
We also had them buy toys to leave under the tree on Christmas Eve so "Santa" can take them to kids who don't have any. Our kids have learned through school and movies and such that lots of kids in Africa don't have all the things that we are so lucky to have, so they often refer to underprivileged children as "the kids in Africa" during bedtime prayers, and have deemed their presents as "Africa presents." We've reminded them that there are kids in need all over the world, even in our own town. But the terms have stuck, so methinks we'll need to work on broadening our scope of understanding for political correctness. Marie's school is also having a toy drive so we've tried to talk about its purpose and add our own gifts to the growing pile, but unfortunately it's also sparked some comments driven by envy. Sigh.
3. The story of St. Nicholas
Along with the giving theme, I've been hitting the story of St. Nick hard this year. My inspiration was based entirely on
this post (minus the part where the kids learn that Santa isn't real!). It's the best-written account I have ever read on the subject, and if you read nothing else this Christmas season, click on that link and read it. I promise it's worth your time! Next year I hope to actually celebrate the Feast of St. Nick with the kids, complete with stuffing their shoes full of treats--but for this year, his example will suffice.
4. Advent wreath
Every year I have beautiful visions of lighting our Advent wreath each night while singing a Christmas hymn and reading the day's Bible stories to the kids. Every year I fail miserably. So far this year we've only lit it twice. But the kids always love it when we do...hopefully we'll get in a few more lightings this Advent!
5. Christmas/Advent countdown
Usually we do chocolate-filled Advent calendars (I try to find ones with nativity or church-related theme pictures), but I couldn't find any this year. And I was just as happy skipping the chocolate-before-bedtime-drama, especially with a kid who doesn't understand why he can't eat normal milk chocolate. So I created a dual Advent & Christmas "count-up"/countdown on our chalkboard instead. I wanted to make sure we payed attention to both Christmas AND Advent to remind us that we're preparing for more than just presents. Like the Advent wreath, I've mangaged to update our chalkboard mayyybe every four or five days. Marie, on the other hand, updates her Christmas Countdown chalkboard multiple times a day, with different drawings to go with the number of days left. It's adorable.
 |
Yep, that would be
from last week... |
6. Christ the King tree
I swore when I was younger that I would never be one of those crazy people with more than one Christmas tree. Whoops...never say never. We decided to put our big tree up in the vaulted family room so we could have a "family" tree with toddler ornaments and room for our poor Angel tree topper who's gotten the short end of the stick five years in a row because of low ceilings.
But the living room still seemed lonely with the big space in front of the bay window where the tree was last year. So we got a small tree and prettied it up with with decorations that were slightly more sophisticated than our toddler tree. But when searching for a topper I felt like it should have something meaningful. I found this ornament, graced it as the topper, and our "Jesus" tree was born. I'm exciting to find ways to make it even more Christ-centered in appearance next Christmas.
7. Jesus for all to see
I requested this for the yard as my only Christmas gift this year. Makes me smiley inside and out every time I see the Holy Family softly glowing in the night.
We also make it a point to read children's books with the Christmas story, get out their Little Tikes nativity set for them to play with (and fight over, but hey), and put up our other nativity sets in prominent places so they're visible throughout the house.
8. The first Christmas gift
Every Christmas growing up, after we woke up and peeked at the tree and started squealing, my mom would call us into my parents' room to open the first "gift" before touching any of our other presents. She would wrap up a little box with Baby Jesus and we would open it, read the Christmas story from the Bible, and go put Jesus in the manger. I remember being annoyed by it all as I got older (duh, mom, we
know what's in the box!), but thankfully I passed through that stage quickly enough to impose the tradition on my own family. I saw mention of a version recently where you can hide baby Jesus somewhere in the house, and the kids run and find Him first thing and put him in the manger [that is hopefully filled with lots of fluffy straw]. Might try that this year to change things up a little.
9. Birthday Cake
In theory, I will bake (buy) a cake and we will sing Happy Birthday to Baby Jesus after Christmas dinner. [Fingers crossed that it actually happens this year].
10. Saving some gifts
Like I said, I'm fed up with the obsession of wanting more and more 'stuff' and not appreciating what we already have. So we might spread out the gifting and save some of that 'stuff' until the Epiphany. That way the kids can spend more time enjoying the few new things they have instead of tossing them aside in lieu of something 'newer' after only two minutes. And we can use the Epiphany story with the wise men's journey to deliver gifts as another teaching point for giving to others and celebrating the newborn king. We'll also keep our decorations up for the full twelve days of Christmas until the Epiphany, instead of tearing them down the day after. Just another way to remember that the
real Christmas story lasted longer than a day--with the announcement of our Savior, the celebration and visitors and sequence of events that all followed--and try to make that a part of our modern lives.
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Now, we do still do Santa, and we have an Elf on the Shelf named Elfie who the kids run to find first thing every morning. I'm okay with that. The magic of the season is special, and I think there's something to be said for enjoying modern lore along with the true meaning of the season. Our goal is to strike the right balance--to find ways to both combat the gimmes before they take hold permanently and turn out kids with a heart for others. So it's good to pick and choose what will be best for the family from year to year. None of these traditions is a requirement, or guaranteed to bring peace instead of stress, or a fool-proof guard against the materialism that surrounds us. I am still struggling to balance all of the 'should-dos' and wants with what is truly important and what we actually need. But hopefully as we work on it, we can open our hearts and embrace a better, more loving, more giving, and less stressful approach to this day that is supposed to only bring joy. And hopefully the kids will pick up on bits and pieces of it and eventually piece together the picture of Who the season is really about, now and forever.
And clearly, since we don't have all the answers and still struggle with balance in so many ways, I would love to steal some of your ideas if you're willing to share!
Here's hoping that in these last few days, we can all find the the real joy and peace that underlies the stress and hype around us!
