Way Too Healthy Up In Here

It's about to get uber-stinking-healthy in the Hjelmstad House. And I am not a very happy camper at the moment. Because I DO NOT like having rules when it comes to my food and I think almost all diets are mean and stupid. But that's exactly where I'm suddenly finding myself: in "Elimination Diet" land. Not happy.

I've always prescribed to the "eat mostly healthy stuff but you can have all the other stuff in moderation" camp. I consider[ed] myself to be relatively healthy. I've never really liked fast food, I buy lots of fresh stuff, and I can even be a little bit crunchy. But to a point. My crunchy side definitely has its limitations. Especially when lumbering through the corner grocery store every week for an hour with three kids loaded into the kiddie car cart (whoever invented those things is a genius and saint). I've maintained that thriftiness and convenience certainly have their place when shopping for a family like ours. I like going to one normal store with normal people for everything I need at one time every week, and I like the fact that at my store I can buy things like the regualar orange juice instead of the super-primo organic kind that's twice as expensive [even though the only ingredient in either is "Oranges." That's it.]. The mere thought of driving an extra two miles through Crunchyville to the overcrowded Whole Foods and waiting ten minutes to even get IN to the parking lot to start looking for a parking spot so I can do the three-kid shopping fandango gives me hives.

Unfortunately, since my little surgery things haven't improved as much as hoped for me on the digestive front, and I finally got doctor's orders to try what about a bajillion other people kept telling me I had to try: The Gluten-Free-Dairy-Free-Can't-Eat-Anything-And-I-Don't-Even-Know-Why-I-Have-Taste-Buds-Anymore Diet. (Sorry, I'm still rather cranky).

Now, in the past few weeks I've already tried to get a few gluten-free items and made a few switches (like cage-free eggs & grass-fed beef) because I could sense that the Gluten-Free edict was on the horizon. And I wanted to be able to ease into it on my own terms. But then my doctor had to go and throw in the dreaded "dairy-free" line, too. Which means that I'm not just giving up the pasta that is practically my life (and Italian heritage) and sandwich bread and my daily bowl of cereal...I'm also having to relinquish the milk that I pour on that cereal and the cheese that I put on my nachos and pizza, in addition to all of my indulgences like milkshakes and mudslides and NUTELLA and about every delicious thing I can think of that I would ever want to eat. Not to mention that the handfuls squirrel food I've tried as snacks and steak salads for dinner do not fill me up. So I find myself standing in front of the pantry ten times a day just staring at all of the things that I'm not allowed to eat. Oh, and another fun fact: I'm already intolerant to garlic and onions...which means I need to adapt any 'adaptable' recipes even more.

So now I'm both in mourning and stuck trying to figure out what the difference actually is between gluten-free and Paleo, dairy-free and Vegan, whether rice is a grain or not, and what the heck a "legume" actually is (aside from my understanding of the real French definition and my ability to pronounce it beautifully). I know, I can--and will--Google it. But it's so much to take in so suddenly. As a result, for the past twenty-four hours I've been Pinteresting the heck out of anything that looks like it fits the bill because I am so clueless.

All my kvetching aside, though, I do want to be healthy. I want to feel good, I want to have energy, and most of all I want to be able to interact with my kids instead of wallowing on the couch (or worse) all day. And I figure if I'm going to do this thing I might as well try and buy into it with my attitude, too. I just need help. I'm overwhelmed with what to do and where to start and what steps to take first...which makes it soooo much easier to be begrudging. So (please please please!) send me your easy recipes? Links? Tips? A step-by-step guide on how to stock my kitchen? (I refuse to buy a cookbook yet, though...small steps). Also any secrets to feeling fuller...aside from the 'eat fifty six times a day' and 'eat almonds' or 'fruit with nut butter!' (Because they might fill you up but they somehow don't do it for me). And just any other advice you might have that is both practical and reasonable for a semi-lazy cook like me with small children. Thanks bunches.

In the mean time, I know that what I lack in knowledge I've already made up for in my local support system. Because even after sending whiny texts this afternoon to my best friend in the world, this is what he brought home and made for me tonight:

Which helps me know it will all be okay! And hopefully the rest of it will help as much as everyone promises me it will...


Recipes please!!!