Three and Two

This morning I had the sweetest conversation with Marie. It's kept me smiling inside all  day as I try to commit it to memory, and I finally decided to write it down for safekeeping.

It was one of those rare mornings when we didn't have to be anywhere,  and everyone was waking up in a good mood. Marie woke up first and came to snuggle with me in the big bed. We chatted for a bit, and then out of the blue she asked, "Mommy, how did those twin babies before me die?" Which probably sounds like the start to a rather unpleasant conversation, but I was pretty sure I knew what she was asking.

“Which babies do you mean?” I asked.

“The ones that were in your belly before me who went to heaven!” (We mention them by 'name' every night during bedtime prayers, but other than that it never comes up).

“Well, you were the first baby ever in my belly,” I said. “The other ones were in my belly for a little bit when you were two and Erik was one. But they were there at different times, so they weren’t twins.”

“Well I wish they didn’t have to go to heaven before me. They get to have so much fun!”

“I bet they do.”

“How old are they in heaven?”

“Well if they lived here they’d be about two I guess. But I’m not really sure about in heaven. They might not really get older there the same way we do here. Just smarter and happier.”

“Do they go to preschool? And have a playground?!?”

“Hmm. I don’t know. I think they probably get to learn a lot and know way more than us. And I don't know if they have a playground either, but however they get to play or spend time makes them happy always.

“I think they get to go on a playground every day forever and ever, Mommy!”

“That would be pretty cool, huh?”

“YEAH! ...But Mommy, are you happy they’re in heaven?”

“I am. At first I was sad that they didn’t keep growing so they could play here with us. But I’m glad that they’re so happy.”

“But why did they have to go anyway?!”

“Well the first one just didn’t grow all the way for some reason. We don’t really know why. And the second one grew in the wrong place. See, babies are supposed to grow here in the middle. But that baby was here on the side.”

“Mommy!” she giggled as I pointed, “why is your belly all wrinkly?!”

“Because the skin stretched out when you guys were growing in there and getting so big before you were born! They’re called stretch marks. See, my tummy used to be smooth like yours, but it got bigger to help make room for you guys.”

“That’s SILLY! Well you know what, Mommy? Someday if a baby grows in MY belly, then I can show you all of my tummy wrinkles!”

“I would like that very much.”

“But you have it from three babies. Because you have me, and him, and him [pointing to pictures of her brothers]. And then we have two in heaven. That’s THREE and TWO! How much is that?”

“Let’s hold up our fingers and add it up.”

“Three…four…five! Mommy, we have FIVE babies in our family! I like our family.”

“That we do. And me too!” 

She smiled, and seconds later scrambled down off my bed to run off and get dressed, pour her cereal, and do all of the wonderful little things that almost-five-year-olds do. But I sat there for a minute longer and just kept smiling. No part of our conversation made me even the slightest bit nostalgic or heavy-hearted. It just made my heart happy. Happy that completely unprompted, my little girl would share such sweet sentiments. Happy she can be so wise yet innocent, so inquisitive, and have such perfectly simple understanding and acceptance of our family just the way it is. And happy because it just made my whole day lighter. 

I hope as she gets older, we can always have such straightforward, positive discussions about the important things in life...the things that this world tends to complicate so easily and uneccesarily. But for now, I'll just tuck this little treasure of a memory in my heart. I'll be thankful for our family with 'three and two' little souls. And I'll try to remember, as I always should, what a beautiful gift motherhood is--"wrinkles" and all!