...My Investments Are Shot!
I know, tell me about it.
In our society today, time is money, and spending it in ways we don't want can be torture. How we spend our time is vital simply because there's so little of it. Though I get the heebie-jeebies when I think back to any of my college courses that involved numbers, I did seem to internalize two important principles from my economics classes: the more rare something is, higher its value, and the more valuable something is, the smarter our investment is in that valuable item. (Oversimplified, yes...but it works for my analogy. Econ geniuses please don't rip me apart).
So it follows that the "resource" of time is extremely limited and hence extremely valuable to us. Whether we're married or single, whether we work or stay at home with kids, there's a definitive need in our current culture to make the most of our time. Especially quality time. It's extremely rare, and therefore one of the most important investments we can make when it comes to our happiness and the happiness of those we care about the most.
On this point, I've been failing miserably. I think a lot of us are. For me, it's the wonders of technology coupled with this age of instant gratification that have done me in. I go about my day with the attention span of a goldfish, flitting constantly from dishes to Facebook to changing a diaper to Pinterest to reading a kid's book to checking email to ignoring a chattering child to sending a text. My computer and phone certainly get the same amount of attention my children do--sometimes more. With my phone it's like a nervous twitch: hit wake button, sweep screen to unlock, tap [insert name of shortcut or app], and devour everything new a shiny that wasn't being broadcast through said app when I last checked thirty seconds ago. The whole process takes merely a nanosecond, and half the time my brain doesn't even realize what my hand is doing; it hasn't even consciously issued a command for me to go check whatever it is that I don't really need to check. Is it any wonder my daughter has to ask me six times in a row for more for more milk before I actually get it out of the fridge?
I'll save the rest of that rant for the third and final installment of The Contentment Project (in which I keep a tally of my social media addiction, then actually go for one week--gasp--unplugged!) but it's important to highlight the disturbing fact that the time I'm spending with my kids throughout the day is decidedly lacking in quality. This is even more disturbing given the absolute quantity of time I get with them, which is nearly every waking hour. And trust me, it wasn't any better when I was working a salaried job outside of the home; the addiction to distraction and the lack of quality interaction with those around me still prevailed--at the office, during breaks, and even in conversation with good friends and coworkers. My work and relationships with others suffered just as much as my family life from my inability to devote a real block of time to each need. I'm more than a little ashamed to admit that it's taken me this long to realize that the quality of the time I'm investing is not just important for my own contentment, it's directly proportional to others' happiness as well.
So this week's goal was to maximize the quality of my time based on my responsibilities throughout the day. For me this means as a stay-at-home-mom to my kids; for others it might mean quality time devoted to a project at work, undistracted time with friends, or date with a spouse where you're focused solely on each other.
My inspiration came from an idea that I saw on (where else but) Pinterest, which involved writing down every activity your kids requested that you said 'no' to throughout the day and putting it in a jar, then scheduling one day a month where kids can draw an activity to complete, no questions asked. I adapted it based on my kids' age and the fact I needed daily quality time instead of a monthly model. I challenged myself each day of the week to say 'yes' to one request that I wanted to deny. And then, by Jove, we would actually do the activity. I affectionately dubbed it the "Yes Test." Sometimes we had to delay a little based on outings, meal time or nap time, but we still got the activity in before bedtime. And of course, in the spirit of keeping myself accountable, I made a chart and wrote down each day's activities. Just like my list from Part I, it's simple yet practical--and effective!
Some of the daily "Yes Test" activities were:
-Reading library books
-Painting with watercolrs
-Playing Duck Duck Goose
-Painting my daughter's nails
-Pretending to be a Mommy Cow all afternoon (complete with cow rides--moo)
This past week I used one comprehensive list, but in the future I think I might use a separate one for each kid to make sure that I'm spending enough time focusing on them individually. Granted, my youngest can't exactly talk yet, but there are plenty of delightful and interactive activities I can do with him that sure beat listlessly scrolling through my Facebook news feed--again--while he crawls around on the floor.
I also wanted to make a greater effort to focus on set times throughout the day when I could be most present to my kids. For many families, including ours, this means meals together. We've done a pretty good job of sitting down each night for dinner together without the distraction of the TV, computer, or other disruptions of true quality time. But I haven't done so hot when it comes to breakfast and lunch. Usually between spooning baby food or helping pour the cereal, I walk around like a zombie staring at my phone or sit at the computer with my back to the kids. So this week I put the phone down, closed the computer, and sat at the table with my kids for each meal. What a difference. Did you know that my son likes the blue dinosaurs best because they match his cup and that today my daughter is a teacher just like the one she met at her new preschool? I sure didn't. Thus, uninterrupted mealtimes--all of them, even if I have to get up 50 times to pour more milk--are definitely a keeper!
Now almost every parenting book out there will tell you that you can't take good care of your kids unless you're taking care of yourself. And even if you're single or don't have kids, taking time for yourself seems like the most consistent piece of advice in maintaining a healthy balance in life. So for the last bit of this week's challenge, I incorporated a record of the things I did each day for me. (No, checking Facebook didn't count)!
The list of activities to recharge my batteries included:
-A phone date with a good friend
-Working on a writing piece
-Reading a chapter of my current book
-Getting around to a long-awaited craft project
-A glass of wine and my favorite show
The verdict? Making time for these things not only made me happy, but actually helped me focus more on my kids during the day. Now if only I could find time to fit in the laundry (but more on that next time)!
I'll leave you with this with this great quote from Michael Pearl (I've paraphrased it a bit):
If the pressures of the world are causing you to view your children as sticky-fingered nuisances rather than a blessing, pause and decipher where the idea got its roots. If it’s springing from anything other than love (cultural norms, unrealistic, self-imposed standards, or family pressure) throw it away. Let them know they are loved and that you love being what God has called you to be: a mother first.
I think the same goes with whatever we've been called to do in the current season of our lives--whatever work or relationships appear to be a nuisance might be just the thing we should invest more quality time in. Who knows, our return might just bring that contentment we've been longing for!
Want to join in on The Contentment Project?
Print out this week's Quality Time Chart and don't forget to check out Part I: Want vs. Have!
On this point, I've been failing miserably. I think a lot of us are. For me, it's the wonders of technology coupled with this age of instant gratification that have done me in. I go about my day with the attention span of a goldfish, flitting constantly from dishes to Facebook to changing a diaper to Pinterest to reading a kid's book to checking email to ignoring a chattering child to sending a text. My computer and phone certainly get the same amount of attention my children do--sometimes more. With my phone it's like a nervous twitch: hit wake button, sweep screen to unlock, tap [insert name of shortcut or app], and devour everything new a shiny that wasn't being broadcast through said app when I last checked thirty seconds ago. The whole process takes merely a nanosecond, and half the time my brain doesn't even realize what my hand is doing; it hasn't even consciously issued a command for me to go check whatever it is that I don't really need to check. Is it any wonder my daughter has to ask me six times in a row for more for more milk before I actually get it out of the fridge?
I'll save the rest of that rant for the third and final installment of The Contentment Project (in which I keep a tally of my social media addiction, then actually go for one week--gasp--unplugged!) but it's important to highlight the disturbing fact that the time I'm spending with my kids throughout the day is decidedly lacking in quality. This is even more disturbing given the absolute quantity of time I get with them, which is nearly every waking hour. And trust me, it wasn't any better when I was working a salaried job outside of the home; the addiction to distraction and the lack of quality interaction with those around me still prevailed--at the office, during breaks, and even in conversation with good friends and coworkers. My work and relationships with others suffered just as much as my family life from my inability to devote a real block of time to each need. I'm more than a little ashamed to admit that it's taken me this long to realize that the quality of the time I'm investing is not just important for my own contentment, it's directly proportional to others' happiness as well.
So this week's goal was to maximize the quality of my time based on my responsibilities throughout the day. For me this means as a stay-at-home-mom to my kids; for others it might mean quality time devoted to a project at work, undistracted time with friends, or date with a spouse where you're focused solely on each other.
My inspiration came from an idea that I saw on (where else but) Pinterest, which involved writing down every activity your kids requested that you said 'no' to throughout the day and putting it in a jar, then scheduling one day a month where kids can draw an activity to complete, no questions asked. I adapted it based on my kids' age and the fact I needed daily quality time instead of a monthly model. I challenged myself each day of the week to say 'yes' to one request that I wanted to deny. And then, by Jove, we would actually do the activity. I affectionately dubbed it the "Yes Test." Sometimes we had to delay a little based on outings, meal time or nap time, but we still got the activity in before bedtime. And of course, in the spirit of keeping myself accountable, I made a chart and wrote down each day's activities. Just like my list from Part I, it's simple yet practical--and effective!
Some of the daily "Yes Test" activities were:
-Reading library books
-Painting with watercolrs
-Playing Duck Duck Goose
-Painting my daughter's nails
-Pretending to be a Mommy Cow all afternoon (complete with cow rides--moo)
This past week I used one comprehensive list, but in the future I think I might use a separate one for each kid to make sure that I'm spending enough time focusing on them individually. Granted, my youngest can't exactly talk yet, but there are plenty of delightful and interactive activities I can do with him that sure beat listlessly scrolling through my Facebook news feed--again--while he crawls around on the floor.
 |
| Happy mom = happy kid, happy kid = happy mom |
Now almost every parenting book out there will tell you that you can't take good care of your kids unless you're taking care of yourself. And even if you're single or don't have kids, taking time for yourself seems like the most consistent piece of advice in maintaining a healthy balance in life. So for the last bit of this week's challenge, I incorporated a record of the things I did each day for me. (No, checking Facebook didn't count)!
The list of activities to recharge my batteries included:
-A phone date with a good friend
-Working on a writing piece
-Reading a chapter of my current book
-Getting around to a long-awaited craft project
-A glass of wine and my favorite show
The verdict? Making time for these things not only made me happy, but actually helped me focus more on my kids during the day. Now if only I could find time to fit in the laundry (but more on that next time)!
I'll leave you with this with this great quote from Michael Pearl (I've paraphrased it a bit):
If the pressures of the world are causing you to view your children as sticky-fingered nuisances rather than a blessing, pause and decipher where the idea got its roots. If it’s springing from anything other than love (cultural norms, unrealistic, self-imposed standards, or family pressure) throw it away. Let them know they are loved and that you love being what God has called you to be: a mother first.
I think the same goes with whatever we've been called to do in the current season of our lives--whatever work or relationships appear to be a nuisance might be just the thing we should invest more quality time in. Who knows, our return might just bring that contentment we've been longing for!
Want to join in on The Contentment Project?
Print out this week's Quality Time Chart and don't forget to check out Part I: Want vs. Have!
So good. I tend to do the same thing with checking things on my laptop. Without the iphone, I don't check nearly as much but the temptation is definately there. I have done the best when I only check email in the AM before breakfast and when miss e goes to bed. that is a good day. thanks for the reminders. :)
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