To My Erik

You're six today, my Ookie Man. [I suppose someday you won't let me call you that, but just so you know, I'm going to get away with it for as long as I can].

You are everything I imagined when I thought of having children (well, the few shallow things I imagined before I actually had kids, that is); your blond hair and blue eyes are as fine and bright as the day you were born...and the other day in your eyes I caught that perfect blue-green combination that I fell in love with when I looked into your daddy's eyes all those years ago, the kind of blue-green that changes to perfectly match whatever color blue or green you're wearing and still steals my heart.

Thankfully, you've also brilliantly filled in the gaps of all the many profound and important things I never thought to plan for or expect or consider back when I imagined having a son. The way you view and experience the world challenges my views and experiences every day. And trite as it may sound, you really have have helped me grow so much as a mother and a person. You're still teaching me about life and motherhood [and patience] daily and I know that certainly won't stop anytime soon.

I love your imagination [even though it's hard most days to get you to exit that imagination mode even for a few seconds], and your incredible, beautiful mind blows me away day after day. I love the innovations you love to create--strung up contraptions around the house, 3-D tank templates drawn and folded from a sheet of white paper, or something as obscure as an object you observed in a computer game (I was in awe when I realized that paper craft was a bundle of dynomite you'd copied from the game). I love how you overwrote my assumptions of your reading level with the story you spontaneously wrote the day you came home from school with your first set of sight words. And even though the amount of time you spend building legos instead of getting ready is inversly proportional to our chance of actually making it to school on time, and even though I don't always love when your bizarre contraptions pop up right in my path, your creations have earned you every bit of your name, Ookie the Engineer.  Your mind continually devises the kind of things mine can only marvel at. It's pretty stinking impressive...and it's oh so clear that your soul was created with the kind of unbelievably intricate divine inspiration that God likes to use when He's showing off.

On the subject of marveling...six seems so old to me. Especially when it comes to you. I'm still getting used to you being five. And adjusting to the fact that you're in kindergarten. And grasping the fact that you're mastering this whole big-kid life that I've slowly accepted as your sister's world, but I'm not ready to picture you in. If I've learned anything, though, it's that time doesn't wait for me to be ready. I told Daddy right before I left that you just looked so old to me all of a sudden. I stared at you that day and tried not to shake my head in denial as you tried to open a new box of granola bars so you could pack your snack in your backpack a whole day in advance. You were oblivious to my watery eyes; you focused with determination on that stubborn carboard flap for a long while before getting too frustrated and asking me to help. So I swallowed the lump in my throat and helped you. Then I took a picture of you so I wouldn't forget just how how big little you looked right in that moment.

I also discovered the other week that you had slipped three snacks in your backpack, so you could inhale as much of them as possible at school and then come home and tell me you needed to finish your snack (all the while pretending it was snack #1 not snack #3). You're a crafty one, you little snack monger. But I'm still ahead of you (for now).

But today, I'm not with you. I'll say it: missing your birthday is killing me. Not that I want to miss anyone's birthday, and not the Army gave me much choice in the matter...but if I had to miss one I definitely didn't want it to be yours. I'm sorry I'm not there to hold you in my arms and click through pictures with you, together reliving all those first moments of snuggling all 7lb.7oz, 21inches of sweet little you for the first time on September 22 at 2:22am.

Tonight I wanted to be the one to make your birthday dinner of gnocchi with tomato sauce that you've requested (and prayed for) every night at bedtime prayers for a year. I wanted to make (okay, maybe buy) your cake and light the candles and sing Happy Brithday to you all day long and be the one to give you that Jake and the Neverland Pirates card I picked out with the foldable pirate hat you can wear. I bet it looks awesome on you.

Instead, I sit here, 1,631miles away (which is 1,631 miles too far) wishing I was there to watch you blow out that sixth candle, and still wishing with my heart that you get your birthday wish.

It is every bit as heartwrenching as I imagined it might be, and then some.

But my only consolation is that it does feel like this--that it is so very hard on my heart because I love you so very, endlessly much with all my heart. It quiets the doubts and fears that sometimes creep into my mind, wondering if--as the mama of someone as unique and special as you--maybe I have not loved you like you need or deserve. But feeling this, I know my love could not possibly be any stronger or better, my son--that I'm sure of now.

I hope your gnocchi is cooked to perfection and I can't wait to make you more when I get back. Happy 6th Birthday, my Erik. I love you beyond measure and then some.

---     ---     ---

An interview with Erik, 5.96 years old (aka 2 weeks ago):

Foverite color: Green.
Favorite food: Pizza.
Favorite drink: Chocolate milk.
Favorite song: I don't really have one.
Favorite animal: a zebra!
Favorite clothes: My superhero shirt.
Favorite outdoor activity: I want to put a big tub outside to race boats in!
Favorite game: Banana wizards. (Me: "How do you play that?") It's a kind of tag. Someone's a wizard, the other people are humans, the wizard tries to tag the humans and if he does it turns the human into a banana. But if you're not you can stand in the rocks and be safe. (Note to self: don't get frozen into a banana).
Favorite Sport: Baseball.
Favorite Hobby: Playing with my dart gun and legos.
FavoriteTV show: Jake and the Neverland Pirates.
Favorite Movie: Wall-E.
Favorite family activities: Water balloon fights.
Favorite place to go on vacation: The beach!
What do you want to be when you grow up? A SUPER Spy.
What are you looking forward to most about being 6? Being a toasted marshmallow with the top on fire for Halloween!

Unicorn/Uniform Birthday

This year I spent my 31st birthday in a(n entirely predictable) way I didn't originally predict: in uniform across the country from my family, courtesy of Uncle Sam.

Taking a physical fitness test followed by sitting in a classroom for a 12-hour day wasn't exactly on the top of my birthday wish list, but my wonderful family spoiled me in other ways before I had to leave...

Brian Regan

We've been a fan of the comedian Brian Regan for a long time, and when Peter found out he was coming to Red Rocks to do a show over Labor Day, tickets appeared along with an early birthday date night at The Fort. I'm kind of shocked that I hadn't heard about this shmancy/fun restaurant after living here for 3 years--and i think it is definitely one of the better kept secrets of our little area. It's an old adobe fort-turned-home-turned-restaurant with a real knack for buffalo steaks and some fun characters running around in Native American and Old West outfits. Also an old saloon-type bar and a teepee and a some stocks in case a customer gets out of hand. It was fun and delicious!

I'm either a lout or an unlicensed printer. Likely both.

Brian Regan himself was entertaining as ever, and my smile/laugh muscles were pretty sore by the end of the night. We also really enjoyed the comedian who opened for him, Joe Zimmerman, and because of him we're now on an official spirit animal kick.

It was a great night overall!

Unicorn Party

Well technically, it wasn't a Unicorn party, just a regular early birthday celebration. But Peter went all out with Princess Sophia plates and made me wear a Birthday Girl badge and got party hats that were too small and had to be donned very creatively. So there was only one option left: embrace my inner Princess Unicorn.

Caught in the act by Madamoiselle Paparazzi.

Peter stayed up late baking a dairy-free cake for me and got up early to decorate it total cake-boss style:

And he also cooked up my requested dinner, stopping home between trips to his clinics to sear a roast and put it in the crock pot so I didn't have to:

Other Cool Stuff

I got spoiled with some nice gifts (including the rental car that I'm driving during my trip so I didn't have to rely on carpooling with classmates who were complete strangers last week). But the best gifts of all are those I often take for granted and I'm only able to appreciate from a distance this year: my parents who raised me and gave me life, and my incredible husband and kiddos who love me and fill my life with incredible purpose every day. And who I'm missing very dearly, especially today. My kids left THE most adorable voicemail singing Happy Birthday to me, which I'm going to save for absolutely ever. 

And those strangers I was so worried about last week have actually turned out to be pretty amazing--I was so touched by my class, who figured out that it was my birthday (AG/human resources crowd notice dates like nobody's business!) and this morning they ambushed me with some cupcakes and public embarrassment. 

And after class I had such a fun night going to dinner with some of the girls, just relaxing and enjoying life. 

I'm also feeling overwhelmingly loved and lucky tonight as I see all the love sent by way of messages and media. You all make me feel SO so special!

I was so ready to be bummed on this day that wasn't exactly what I would choose, but instead I've been reminded constantly throughout the day in ways I cannot ignore that I really am blessed to be right where I am. It's helped me remember that life is really about taking time to appreciate and enjoy the good moments, however small they may be and wherever they may happen. 

So here's to another year of moments, and a lot of thanksgiving for all the moments leading up to today that have made this life of mine what it is!

The Boring Gardening Post for Folks Who Can't Plant Good and Stuff

This boring garden update has been a long time coming, but the delay has worked to our advantage in the fact that there's a lot more to report on now than even a week ago. So more pictures of real stuff instead of just buds and leaves, yay! [Except the grapes. Those have got some time yet].

We inherited quite the garden in our new house, and for the first time this summer we became the proud owners/growers of:

Inherited:

• Strawberries
• Rhubarb
• Raspberries
• White and purple grapes
• Blueberries (only two small bushes which produced a grand total of one blueberry that the rascally rabbit got to before me).
• A preach tree (no fruit this year, we think it got hit with a late freeze last fall)

Planted this spring:

• Tomatoes
• Beans
• Cabbage
• Winter squash
• Carrots
• Various herbs
• Lavender (never germinated)
• Spinach (got one minuscule leaf that dried up)

So here's a review/report on the current state of affairs for the stuff that actually made it to an edible state this year, in order of best to worst.

We got some pretty bad hail damage a few weeks ago that shredded leaves and pitted the surface of some fruit/vegetables (and flooded part of our basement, yay). But for the most part it seems everything survived the damage and is still growing.

The rhubarb is taking over and I've lost all motivation to attack it back to a manageable state. I am not a baker so I have to figure out what to do with it besides give it away. A friend sent me this jam recipe (make that two recipes now, another from another friend!) that doesn't look to difficult to make...if it ever cools down enough around here again to turn the stove on I might think about attempting it.

We eat the strawberries regularly (if we can get them early enough in the morning before the rabbits) and we also have a bumper crop of yellow cherry tomatoes from only two plants, with at least four or five at every picking. I'm the only one who wants to eat them--more for me!

We pulled and ate our first carrot the other night, and made the carrot pulling (picking? Uprooting?) a family affair. It looks like we'll have three or four more before the season's out.

And out of one measly, meager-looking bean plant that for weeks has seemed like it's on its last legs, we've gotten a surprising amount--four beans, two big, two small.

And we just discovered our first ripening raspberry out of our two big rows of raspberry bushes that are chock full of buds and berries in the making. I can't wait to try them!

Update since I wrote the above: the raspberries have ripened beautifully and were absloutely delish at first picking. But after soaking them the second day I found a little white squirmer. And after breaking open another raspberry, a second little one wriggled out. Upon researching, it looks like our entire raspberry crop has been compromised by these nasty buggers that probably hid in the soil all winter plotting their attack. So who knows if we'll ever have raspberries worthy to eat or if I'll just burn it all down...because yuck. (But not really--we abide by some very necessary fire laws around these parts!).

The cabbage and squash are up for harvest next but both have a ways to go before they're edible, and we haven't seen any buds on the grapes yet. But according to our one meeting with the previous owners, the two vines produce a TON of grapes. I'm counting on Peter to learn how to make wine for me.

One thing I've learned: homegrown might be smaller than store-bought in some instances, but tastes SO MUCH BETTER. The tomatoes are so sweet. The strawberries, just to die for. That one worm-free raspberry was everything I was dreaming about. And as Ethan said regarding the carrot, "hey Mommy! This tastes like a real carrot!!!"

Welcome to the magic of gardening, buddy. It's growing on me, too!

Whasshup, Doc?

First Days {2015}

Time for the yearly There's-No-way-l'm-This-Old punch in the gut post! Two weeks ago Marie and Erik started school--second grade and kindergarten respectively. Today, baby boy Ethan started Pre-K. (He'll do 3 years of preschool since his birthday is after the fall cutoff--all the better, I think).

We started off the year a few weeks ago with the Kidergarten Teddy Bear Tea, which is a chance for the Kindergartneners to come to school and see their classroom and meet their teacher/classmates and read a book while the moms [and Dads, let's be real] sit huddled in the gym and practice getting all their tears out. And get briefed about the business of being a Kindergarten parent. I still had a few tears left in reserve, but Ookie Man and his Ookie Bear rocked it at the Tea:

On their first real day, all three kids were excited (and the oldest two slightly nervous). At pickup all reported a fab first day, and Marie specifically gave me two thumbs up, saying her teacher was "hilarious." She got assigned to be the class librarian during the first week--big surprise there. Made mama proud.

I thought Kindergarten would be easier this time around, having previously survived the emotional turmoil. Nope. Not by a long shot. We lined up and walked through a gauntlet of clapping teachers and sixth-graders for the annual "Clap-In," which was definitely a little overwhelming. Erik's nerves mostly dissipated once we got into the classroom and all parents followed hiding behind tissues. It's a tradition for the teacher to read the story "The Kissing Hand" as a way to help the kids feel comfortable with their parents leaving, and as an exercise in torture for said parents who are trying desperately to keep it together until they can jet outta there.

I'm fine, Mom. Get outta here already.

Thankfully Ethan and I had gymnastics to get to, which proved a somewhat suitable distraction for me.

The Elementary school also kicks off the first day with another tradition, the Annual Ice Cream Social, where Marie was determined to win the hoola hooping contest this year (another way the ape doesn't fall far...). She got second, which I was delighted about but she thought was a travesty. The competitive streak lives on...

On Ethan's first day today, his enthusiasm was virtually uncontainable (which happens to be his norm). He was up and dressed and skipping around long before I rolled out of bed. 

He's so happy he can't even stand it.

The kids had some free time after getting ready quickly this morning (I'm gonna take a moment to acknowledge that this has never before happened and may never happen again, thus it was extremely momentous). I found big sister reading to him, and found out that she had also beat us to making her little brother's lunch. In which she left a note. [Insert ten thousand melting heart emojis].

I'm fine too, Mom. Get outta here already.

Our little Ham capped off the school day with a puppet show starring the mouse puppet he made:

We're blessed to have some fantastic teachers and administrators this year, especially at the elementary school, who have already gone to great lengths this summer to meet with us and help our kids feel more comfortable and be set up for success. Navigating school stuff as a parent is already overwhelming enough without any additional "stuff," so we feel really lucky to have such a great team supporting us and working with us on all our specific needs and focus areas. We've already seen some really positive strides, and I'm definitely as hopeful and happy about the 2015-16 school year as the kids seem to be. Here we go!

See that? That's what three whole hours of freedom looks like!
(To go do work).

One Happy Camper

For months, our little miss had been talking about having her 7th birthday party on her actual birthday this year. Being that it was a Friday and she had been dreaming up a camping party in the evening (because she is absolutely her father's daughter), we agreed.

Sadly, the day before her birthday she got sick, which foiled our perfect plans for her special day. Thankfully we were able to postpone to one week later and still have lots of fun (and LOTS of silly giggles, which we found out is what happens now when we get a bunch of little ladies all in the same place).

The birthday girl wanted to change things up and requested birthday doughnuts (why not, easier on me!!) as well as pizza for dinner. The rest of the party stuck with the spirit of the camping theme--eating picnic-style from trays, hanging out in her new tent "we" built, and roasting marshmallows. Also pinning the flame on the fire (which proves that I am a worthy kindergarten graduate with paper crafting skillz--I free-handed that bad boy after the birthday girl requested it last-minute).

We even stuck it out in the rain for a few minutes before going inside to open presents because we're not about being that hardcore. (We'll save that for next year's Ranger party).

In the end, we were glad to overcome the crisis of the delayed birthday and have a truly fun Birthday week. The newest seven-year-old on the block rated it two thumbs up, and that's what matters most!

Thank you Pinterest. And Carpenter Peter.

Camporee, Round Three

About three weeks ago we went on our first and only camping trip of The Year of the Disappearing Summer. [Can we take a moment to try and absorb the fact that school started this week? Like we're already in school, people]. The trip is put together by our church, and it's by far my favorite kind of campout, where the menfolk cook all the food (and then play cornhole) and the tweens/teens play with and watch all the kids, and the ladies sit and chat relax with drinks of choice and I inhale two whole books in three days.

This was our third such trip with our church, but this year was a little different. In past years we've always had a group campground reserved at Lake Dillon, but we didn't get in on the lottery to reserve the campground this year (I'm still not quite sure how it works), so the campout was held a bit farther north at Wolford Reservoir. There weren't as many trees, which made for slightly hotter days [but also slightly less frigid nights]. The scenery was a bit more rugged and very striking, and it was fun to be able to spend time on and in the water, riding around in a pontoon boat and splashing around by the dock. (At Lake Dillon you can boat but aren't allowed to actually swim since the lake is part of the Denver watershed).

It was also a better setup for community; there was a good centrally-located area for hanging out and having fun, and we got to know some old friends much better than years past, as well as meet new friends. 

The kids, of course, loved it all--roasting marshmallows, sleeping in the tent, getting faces painted, playing in the dirt, you name it. Me, I'm still lobbying for us to try one of those comfy campers one of these years [you can try to break me of my love of creature comforts, Army, but you'll forever fail]. But as always, it was worth it. I'm loving the tradition this trip has become for us, and I can't wait for next year!

Clifftop view of the swiming hole.

Fast asleep after church on the lake.

S'mores, fading facepaint, and (not so) scary stories.

Goodbye, campsite. See ya next year!