The Easter Crawl

Part I
Jumpin' Jehosephat, man. THIS LENT.

[Insert string of bug-eye emojis].

[Also prefacing this with the fact that my Lent has been total cake compared to many of my friends. Something big and beautiful must be on the horizon, because peeps getting flattened, yo. Pray for them with me!].

It's been a wild ride the past few weeks, and I feel like I'm crawling toward Easter and the promise of some Resurrection joy with all the strength I can muster. Some of the high(low?)lights:

1. For about 48 horrific hours last week we thought we would have to say goodbye to our Samson pup. Despite the "he's just a dog" reality talk with which I've tried to brace myself, it was absolutely terrible. He has pretty bad arthritis already in his hips/hind legs, and at some point (probably running across the yard to bark at a passerby) he injured himself so badly he couldn't put any weight on his back legs. This does not bode well for a 150 lb. giant who we simply cannot pick up, even as a team. Thankfully it was a Sunday so Peter was home, and we sat with him in the backyard in shifts, bringing him water and food. Peter just may have spiked his water dish with Lourdes water too in faith and desperation. Eventually we were able to help him hobble a few feet so we could get him inside for the night, but after that he was done. He hadn't been to the bathroom in hours, so Peter ran out for puppy pads to place under him, but faithful obedient Samson held it with all his might, even though we tried to tell him it was okay and he wouldn't be in trouble.

I kept checking on him and prayed my heart out for hours that night since I couldn't sleep (I was also having one of my flareups which was not helpful). When Peter got up in the morning, Old Man Samson had somehow moved from one room to another and we felt a surge of hope. We got him to the vet--it took five of us to lift him on and off a stretcher (that didn't lower!) and he got x-rays which didn't reveal much...save some possible tearing of his doggie "ACL" which may or may not have been the cause of his issues. We had the gut-wrenching

talk with the vet about having to euthanize in the next few days if he didn't heal quickly or fully enough to walk or get out and do his business. It was so awful, especially since he is still completely healthy otherwise; old, yes, but surprisingly healthy.

Pampering and keeping vigil with our pup.

We left the vet armed with some painkillers but not much else; after all the poking and prodding, he was back to not being able to stand. It was a long few days trying not to ugly cry...at home, at the vet, trying to explain a probable goodbye to the kids as they loved on him and prayed rosaries and lit candles for him. We repeated the Lourdes water "treatment" too, even as we prepared for the worst. And miracle of miracles, the next morning, our pup was up and standing again, walking slowly, and able to go outside on his own. He has quickly improved from there and--incredibly--is basically back to his old self.

We're better prepared for the inevitable now; we know another such incident could do Samson in, so we're trying to make sure he remembers he's not a puppy anymore. But aside from sleeping a little more and getting his daily geriatric doggie anti-inflammatory and glucosamine, he is still fit as a fiddle. We got some non-slip socks that help him on our wood floors, Peter built a ramp over the deck steps to the yard, and for now we're just gratefully cherishing the wonderful time we still have with our fluffy old man.

2. At the same time time this was happening, the poor boys spiked fevers and were souped up on fever reducer as we ran around trying to help our Samsonator.

3. Oh and also at the same time, there was lots of restructuring and uncertainty at Peter's work. The stress was pretty much through the roof for awhile. 

Oh the relief when that whole week was over. 

4. For those not yet weary of my health saga updates: I'm excitedly counting down the days until my next procedure in the long line of endometriosis treatment attempts [endoscopy/colonoscopy. My NaPro also gave me some low-dose naltrexone to try after the procedure]. So much lost sleep and so many reactions and flare-ups in the past month I've lost count. I'm looking more like skin and bones and feeling like a zombie/hormonal ball of yuck. Every day is an unpredictable...adventure. Yeah, let's say adventure. That's such a pleasant-sounding word. But I finally kicked my progesterone treatment to the curb because it wasn't doing squat except making me even more exhausted, and I feel slightly less brain-fogged and like there's maybe even a slight improvement in my good days overall. At any rate, I'm somewhat naively praying the upcoming scope reveals something [but not necessarily anything--please God, nothing scary, and something that is easily treatable and will go away stat]. I'm hesitant to get my hopes up too high after years of being burned, but I also know that hope keeps me going right now so I have to hang my hat on something. So hope for the last week of April it is. 

5. But wait, there's more. This Lent has been chock full of a slew of other happenings I won't really go into--the kind that all sound annoying but manageable on their own (like appliances breaking in triplicate), but when combined with all of the above basically amounted to a bunch of "sobbb make it stoppppp" moments on the hour. At least I had lots to offer for all of my loved ones!

Part II
LIFE IS STILL GOOD

But now for the good, because there are always little moments of consolation to be had in the trenches, and so many beautiful moments as we emerge from some tough patch or another:

1. My Lenten social media fast has been both eye-opening and enriching. Someday I'll have the time and energy to articulate it better, but in the mean time, this Digital Detox piece I wrote for the Blessed is She blog contains much of what I learned about myself in terms of social media, and ways I found to help curb compulsive digital use in order to use my devices to add more value to my life versus taking away. In short, though my time away hasn't been a magical panacea for all of my dowfalls, it's helped me create better habits and be more intentionally present to the people who matter most. I have confidence that I'll be able to return to social media with more self-discipline, more purposeful usage, and healthier interaction when the time comes.

2. I'm stoked about my book list so far this year. Books, as always, are my favorite consolation. It's been a good mix of new titles and oldies but goodies. My latest reviews are here. I've gotten through a bunch more since then which I'm also psyched to share soon...you know, in the next month or three.

3. Random delights: 

• The new double exposure feature on one of my favorite editing apps is pretty cool (maybe slightly creepy too). I'm having fun playing with it: 

Peach buds and sunsets

More spring buds and cocktails

Pano mountain views and sunset clouds in pink. 

• These cookies from my local grocery store are my new jam. They're also mucho dinero. But when almost all food is your enemy, any baked goods that you can eat, and that taste decent, and that almost resemble a girl scout cookie are truly a glorious gold mine. These cookies--free of all major allergens--are still a staple in my cabinet, too. 

• Speaking of groceries and stores, I am a new woman since my regular store began online ordering and pickup (even same day - ready four hours after you order it!). You're literally not supposed to get out of your car for liability reasons, so you just sit and relax while they open your trunk and load your groceries. The woman who runs it (we're now on a first name basis) also told me the first time that they're actually not allowed to take tips, and that she would see me next week. I didn't even have a kid in the car to make me look less lazy! Thus any and all guilt I was harboring vanished. So essentially I've become a regular never-enter-the-store-unless-I'm-forced-to shopper. It's a beautiful thing.

4. Building the village. The soul work continues through the ups and downs. Some of the best graces from my social media fast were my renewed effort to better foster in-person relationships instead of defaulting to connecting over a screen. I'm especially thankful lately for the moms/Blessed is She women's group I lead, as well as a couples small group--the men and women each meet once a month, and I've gotten to know some really incredible women. I'm so grateful for online connections, but nothing can replace the in-person village that we all need, and it's been largely missing in my married life up to now. Some of it has come about by chance, but I'm also learning how important it is to put in the hard (and sometimes way out of my comfort zone) work. Namely, taking advantage of events and opportunities that are all around me to find/create the community I long for, instead of making excuses or expecting it to just land in my lap. The effort is absolutely worth it--I'm being fed in such awesome ways by this building up of my local community and support network and I'm really looking forward to seeing where it's headed.

Weekly(ish) tea date with my lovely friend
and soon-to-be-almost neighbor!

5. This quote from Aristotle has been in my brain this week ever since my Spiritual Director mentioned it:

"Virtue is the mean between two extremes." Or, "virtue is a mean between two vices, one of excess and one of deficiency."

Technically it's a much deeper and more extensive philosophy called the Golden Mean, but the above sums up the concept perfectly. I'm sure all the truth bombs and light bulb moments that are already hitting me will result in plenty of future blog post fodder.

---

Alright, I think that's enough peaks and valleys for now, yes? I hope your Lent was (is) manageable and growth-inducing in some form or another, and that Easter meets you with joy and beauty anew!

Picture-Worthy

Not being on social media for Lent has been really...hard. I'll say it. But also very good for all the reasons I thought it would be and more; it's extremely growth-inducing thus far. 

The one thing I miss in many ways is playing amateur photographer. This social media fast has shown me that taking pictures does simply makes me happy, whether I'm sharing them with the masses or not. It's also been interesting to see the shift in how and what I capture from day to day, now without a specific social media "audience" in mind. It's a subtle shift, but it's there.

I'm taking fewer pictures overall, but in a lot of ways there's more meaning behind the picture I decide to snap. I'm not taking it for anyone else--I'm taking it because I, myself, find it photo-worthy. I'm not worried about how I'll caption a shot or whether it'll make my feed look nice. I simply capture what I want to remember: a glimpse of beauty, or a moment that evokes an emotion worth revisiting. 

Altogether, it creates a fun little trail of breadcrumbs for my tired brain to say, 'aha, that's what happened yesterday [this morning/last week/whatever day that was].' And it's lovely to know that it's first and foremost for my own satisfaction that I've created this little string of memories. 

So here are some of those moments that I deemed picture-worthy in the last two weeks. A few with some edits, because making pictures prettier is something that still makes me happy, but many without (like all of the outdoor photos--because Colorado is its own perfect filter!).

Fluffy Old Man

Oh this pup. He's all over my camera roll and my heart as he continues to go downhill physically. His hips have been giving out once or twice a day and he needs help getting up when it happens. And overall he's just moving really slowly. But he's still being his cantankerous self trying to bark down the garbage truck or bikers who whiz by the fence or any other apparent threat to his kingdom. We're trying to make the most of all of our time with him, and party it up with him this weekend for his 11th birthday in all the ways he likes best. 

Caught in a frisky moment wrestling with his moose.

Clearly he's still got some puppy left!

His favorite spot for morning naps.

WINTER IS COMING.

Yes, I actually do mean winter. Because after a winter with record high temps where all the flowers and trees are fully tricked into thinking it's officially spring, you know there'll be another (or ten) snowstorm(s) with a good six-foot dump...and at least one of them guaranteed to land on us again for Mother's Day. 

Don't fall for it, little leaves and buds! Go back to your home!

Fake Lent flowers + real flowers.

Sigh of Relief 

I lost my rosary right after we got back from our last ski trip. For any of you who know the story behind this rosary, you know that it's no little thing. I knew it had to be somewhere in the house, so I wasn't too worried at first. But after casually and then frantically searching everywhere, it still didn't turn up. I told all the kids to keep an eye out, and Marie said "um, why don't you just pray to find it, Mom? It's a rosary, duh." And I said "I definitely have, miss." And she said "well we should again," and she did. The next morning as I was getting in my car, I remembered that my purse had fallen and dumped as I rounded a curve a few weeks prior, sending stuff everywhere. I looked in passenger door compartment and there it was, safely tucked away where it had fallen. Phew! After 13 years of companionship, it was a big sigh of relief. 

Sweet Kiddo Memories

Interacting with kids in different ways, especially as they get older, is an adjustment. I really don't play with them often unless it's a family card game, I no longer have entertain/distract them in the car (Marie is always reading and the boys entertain each other), and conversations on my terms are always forced. So I'm trying to be more open to when and how they want to share. With Ethan, it's tuning into his non-stop chatter instead of ignoring it. With Erik, it's asking him to show or explain something to me and he'll launch into the details with glee. With Marie, lately it's at bedtime when her brain seems to be flying--she has all sorts of imaginings and story ideas and questions to share that require increasingly complicated answers. So I try to give her a few extra minutes of listening, even though my brain is more than done for the day.

Well, not too long ago she started asking to help with dinner, and has actually become quite the helpful little sous-chef. She's learning, I have a competent helper who is actually contributing  when I'm stressing about dinner, and we have delightful conversations too. Win-win. 

Just some snuggles in the big bed one night with my three loves.

New Sofa

After parting with our 10-year-old couches that were way too big for our living room, I dreamed for awhile about the perfect loveseat/settee for the space. The area has been a big empty space for many months now as we saved and searched. Well, the "perfect" piece is finally here, and though we can't exactly boast its comfort, I'm happy as a clam that my little vision is so beautifully fulfilled. 

The packaging wan an adventure all its own...

Girl's Best Friend

Speaking of Old Man Samson...these two and their unspoken bond get me in the heart every time. 

Weekend Fun...and Weekend "Fun"

Allllll the things converged this past weekend. I had drill all weekend, Peter had drill Saturday but not Sunday, the kids had a few parties, the boys had hockey Sunday, Marie had her last team practice and game... and oh. It was also the dreaded daylight savings spring forward. Which was extra cruel considering that we were all stumbling around at feels-like-5am for report time for drill and Marie's early practice which Peter got to drag the boys to.

But the highlight for sure: on Sunday, during Marie's last hockey game, the team won and Marie got her first hat trick [three goals scored by the same person in one game]. Not only that--the last two goals of her hat trick were in the last few minutes of the game. Most importantly, a very proud Dad was there to see it (although he couldn't throw his hat onto the ice to embarrass her because a net was in his way). I don't get into sports much, but Peter's play-by-play that night when I got home had me on the edge of my seat! Little Miss has decided that she's not interested in other sports and would like to stick with hockey through the summer and fall, please, so she can be on the Avs when she grows up.

Obnoxiously large end-of-season swag for lucky #13

If my loving husband didn't change the clocks for us, it would literally never happen.
My aversion to changing clocks runs deep.

When I realized bright (dark) and early on daylight savings morning that Erik and I matched. 

I also made the mistake of signing up for school conferences before school on Monday.
The Monday after a chaotic, exhausting, daylight savings. But we caught a beautiful
moonset (more below) and were only 5 minutes late!

Dinner School

Peter never wastes an opportunity to bestow knowledge on the kids, usually at dinner, and I find myself re-learning all the things that normal grownups forget (but not Peter). When the kids asked a question about degrees (in relation to weather), suddenly we found ourselves knee-deep in explanations over tuna casserole of True North vs. Magnetic North, latitude and longitude, circles, fractions, and the like.

Degrees of a circle, as demonstrated with chopsticks.

Which of course meant that we weren't going to be celebrating Pi day without an actual lesson on Pi and a few diameter/circumference calculations...thank goodness one of us will be able to help the kids with their Geometry homework some day!

Our "Pi." Because cake is way better.

Endless Skies

Clearly I have a love/love relationship with Colorado clouds.Five years in and I can definitely say I'm just as smitten with our ever-living, ever-changing mountain views and the whole glorious dome of Colorado skies. And I didn't edit a single photo here because the edits never look so good as the real thing. 

Leaving church on Sunday night.

Moon set with appropriately-themed clouds to accompany it.

Sunset, 3/14

And sunrise this morning, 3/16. When our window shades start glowing pink,
I know it'll be worth it to drag myself out of bed for a look.

All the Randomness

Because I'm stinking these days at updating my little corner of the internet, here's some randomness and some updates, in no particular order...


Colorado Winter Fun 

We had a wonderful visit with my family over Christmas (though overshadowed by a nice tummy bug that took out about half the party) and spent many of our unseasonably warm days at the end of January and start of February battling another stomach bug that spent three long, painful weeks gracing our family with its presence.

But we did get to enjoy MLK weekend skiing at Copper Mountain, a record 80 degree day in February, and a fun hike/climb up Castle Rock on Peter's birthday, which was another extra warm days.

(I really don't know what I'd do without these pockets of warmth and the cheeriness of the Colorado sun. Our sunshine disappeared for a whole three days in January and I could hardly take it)! This past weekend we spent our second long weekend of the winter skiing Crested Butte; it was our first time there and I was prepared to be unimpressed, especially because it's much farther away than other resorts. But it's legit! Absolutely breathtaking and so worth the longer drive. Someday I'll get my act together and post all the pictures...but for now I'll brag about the fact that all three kids are blowing us away flying down the mountain and whipping through the trees. We thought Ethan would maybe have a hard time keeping up but not in the least - and Marie will soon be out-skiing me. At Crested Butte, she went to the top with Peter to try a black diamond, and they ended up on a double black (!!) with some extreme terrain -- something I'm not even willing to do! And we had all three kids on a black diamond at least twice, though it did tucker Ethan out a bit. The more time we spend skiing with them, the more grateful I am that we've made it a point to go as a family and have them learn; it's a lifelong love that we can all enjoy together.

I mean, really. Does it get more amazing?

He's getting better at getting up on his own...sometimes.
(Last run of the weekend on a black diamond had him tuckered out!)

All the powder. 

New Health "Fun"

I found a concerning area a few weeks ago so I decided to put on my big girl pants and actually call my NaPro (OBGYN) and let someone know. She scheduled me immediately with a mammogram place. I'm so incredibly thankful that I was cleared completely this past week - seems like it was just some changes due to the hormone therapy I'm currently on for my endometriosis. But it was definitely a slightly nerve wracking few weeks; I'm eternally grateful to all those who carried me in prayer--and I'm SO glad I didn't ignore it and still came out on the bright side. Being in the diagnostic waiting room with so many other women was truly sobering and I'm keeping them all in prayer. Moral of the story/PSA: keep up your self checks and when in doubt, rule it out!


Chronic Health updates

As far as the rest of my issues go: I've been on a somewhat experimental treatment of high doses of daily progesterone for two months now. My NaPro thought it would be a so-called gentle way of "shutting everything down" for awhile and seeing if I get any relief. I don't know that I'd call it gentle, and it makes me soooo tired, body and mind (I feel so foggy sometimes and my memory is shot!). The jury is still out on if it's actually helping the pain, but I've got at least one more month for the trial part so we'll see if things start to turn a corner at all.

On the GI side, food still hates me (nothing new) and my reactions are still pretty frequent regardless of how much I cut out of my diet. Currently, I'm looking into gut-healing wisdom {without cutting out anymore foods because I'm hardly getting enough as is} while I wait for a colonoscopy/ endoscopy...that is literally taking months to get scheduled. More fun times! But I've got been in contact with some women who have had great success with two different treatments, so I'm doing more research and thinking there may be some hope. Anyway, apparently I've reached the golden age when "news" involves all these Debbie Downer TMI things, so shall we move on to something a little more palatable? Like...


Mawwage, Mawwage

On Valentine's Day, Peter came up with a fun activity for the next few months: a weekly "marriage night" at home. We came up with ideas that would take one hour or less and cost lest than $20, wrote them on little tags and put them in a jar to draw every week. This past week we drew "pamper Samson" and it was such a relaxing, happy hour.

Add caption

 Can't wait for this night.

Baking

Not my baking, of course. I think we all know that baking and I don't get along. But once a week, Gran picks Ethan up to learn how to bake (the same program Erik "graduated" from last year while he was still in school only half-days). Well, Ethan, who can't have dairy, is both incredibly enthusiastic about it and learning what a softie his Gran is when he has an "awesome" baking idea. His most recent request? Goldfish. Since he can't eat regular Goldfish, he wanted to make some with "his kind of cheese," aka, ridiculously stinky fake cheese. And look what Gran helped him deliver:

Right down to the little eyes and smiles. 

Small Group

We recently started a couples' small group/bible study in which women meet once a month, men meet once a month, and then we all try to get together as families one other night during the month. We (the girls) just started the series The Wild Goose; I've heard so many great things about it and after watching the first one I think it's going to be a really good pick.


Lenten Fast

I decided all the way back in Advent that I'd be giving up all social this Lent. {Although I wonder every time I log on to Facebook if it will actually be a sacrifice anymore, ha}. I deleted my Facebook app from my phone forever ago and in the mean time just downloaded the groups app, so unless I get on my laptop, I have no news feed to get bogged down by, and half the time I'm not even distracted by notifications unless I specifically go to the group through the app. It's been a grand stress-reducing compromise!

To be completely honest though, fasting from social media is something I have purposefully avoided in the past because I know it will be such a difficult sacrifice for me. I'm planning on replacing the time with a daily prayer practice, hopefully developing better routines, and more intentionally attending to and connecting with the family and friends in front of my face instead of constantly escaping to a screen for connection. Maybe I'll have more time for real blogging too since I'll be away from my "microblogging" sources.

~ ~ ~

That's all the randomness for now. May your Mardi Gras be sweet and your Lent be rich - hopefully I'll be back here soon(ish)!

A Hjelmstad-Griswold Christmas {Aka The Grand Tree Misadventure, In Pictures}

As you've probably seen, our tree took on a personality all its own this year. Here's the story.

We decided that we'd take advantage of Colorado's Regional Christmas Tree Program, which helps the Forest Service manage certain areas of the forest while you get to cut down a tree in their designated areas for - get this - a whopping $10. Win-win. 

Or so we thought.

We drove up after Thanksgiving on Black Friday, since that was the only time we had between work and alll the many weekend commitments packed into our calendar before Christmas. We stopped by the ranger station, got our map of designated areas, and picked a spot near Lake Dillon to go hunt for the perfect Christmas Tree. It went something like this:[Cue The Griswolds Finding their Christmas Tree].

Except it was a little warmer, the scenery was 100% better, and instead of someone's toes freezing a kid decided he needed to poop in the middle of the forest.

Also, instead of forgetting the saw, we forgot the tape measure. 

Small details. 

The sun indeed shone down on the Perfect Tree when Peter found it, just like it did for Father Griswold, and since we forgot the tape measure, we thought we could judge its relatively small size in relation to the other trees around it. 

For reference:  

Tall

Taller...

"Small."

The cool part: we counted the rings and found that
our tree was the same age as Peter and me.

Tiny, right? [Wrong].
It was at this point that we remembered that we had to carry it. Allllll the way back to the car.

The kids had fun playing while we attempted to drag the tree to the road.
(Which happened between our five attempts to help the one child who needed to
answer the call of nature).

Our backs [were just beginning to] hurt - but our eyes were happy. So happy. 

Most frequently-asked questions: 

1. How did you get it home? 

2. How did you manage to put it up?

3. How in the world did you get it decorated?

Well, this is how we got it home - cargo bungees, sore backs, careful driving, and lots of looks. 

Now, remember the little part about the measuring tape? Well, when we got home and measured it, our "little" looking tree cleared the ceiling by about 2 inches (which is 18' at its highest point and about 16' at the furthest point we could push the tree back to with its ginormous circumference). Two inches, people. I'd like to go on the record as saying that I tried to convince Peter to cut at least six inches off the bottom when we got home. [Tried and failed. Lessons learned]. I'd also like to go on the record to say that we've successfully put up 13-15' trees the past two years. But they were a different kind, bought locally - which were a few hundred dollars more expensive, but also a few hundred pounds lighter.

Which brings us to the "how the heck did we set it up" question. Let's just say if we had anyone around to document us trying to set it up, we would've put them to work instead of documenting it. It took three tries to get the brute standing upright, and we almost quit after the second try, in which the base that I was trying to hold in place with all my might pushed me straight into the wall and dented our air return vent. We took a break, texted a few people [who weren't home] to see if they could help, and then we decided to try one more time. Just one. And voila! A true Christmas miracle.

Later, when we had enough energy and perspective to laugh, we thought it was funny that our backs were so "sore" simply carrying it to the car--if only we'd known what was to come.

We did it!

...but for real. Insanity.

As for how we got it decorated....

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C
(Attempting to put the angel up for the 50th time with only two inches of clearance).

After it fell about 49 times, I had this great jerry-rigging idea - that didn't work.

Finally, during one of our jerry-rigging attempts,
the angel fell into an upright-ish sort of spot on a top branch. So there she stayed.

And it was magical.

We had a few more fun Griswold moments, like finding pinecones in the wash and a bit of
tree branch dangling from the car window a few days later.

But overall, it was magical.
Especially getting to share it with my family over Christmas.
(We also got to share a stomach bug, which was less magical,
but that's another story for another day. Or not).

Exhibit D: How to dwarf the present pile.

In the end, the adventure was worth the ten bucks I think.

Our good Ole Goliath made it till Christmas before it started dying, so sadly I think it will have to come down before the Epiphany. (If you're local and you want to help, you're more than welcome to come on over and join the felling party...ha...ha...) But it had a good run, and I think we learned our lesson for next year:

Never forget the tape measure.

[Or the saw].

Cheers!